How to effectively criticize and avoid low level violence
Preaching and criticizing others are only marginally effective and leave a bad taste in the mouth. Best to avoid. For a child especially the best methods are leaving them experience natural consequences, (what would naturally happen if you didn’t interfere),modeling and asking leading questions that are not confrontational and make the other person think more about their choices.
My dream teacher in the thirty years I knew her only ever wore nail polish once. I noticed it immediately and commented on it. “Oh. Yes, she said innoculously, I felt like putting it on today.” This was a shocker for me. Here I am trying to be increasingly spiritual and above the world and here my teacher goes and throws a wrench in my world view! Oh, O.K. So I was given to understand that one should do one’s best to look good and feel good, as she did. And so I started to shift my view of where it was all going and what this life was all about.
One year as she was leaving for Europe as she did every year before Christmas, she handed me her warm wollen undershirt and asked me to have it washed before she returned. Oh? Sure! It was the only time again, that she ever did such a thing. It wasn’t because she was unable or unwilling to wash it herself, it was to show me another possibility for keeping warm in the Canadian winters.
I wasn’t raised in a warm woolies house, this was news for me. This request ,out of the blue, made me think. So this was a suggestion for me to move in a better direction. Considering that I suffered from lung problems most of my life, in retrospect it was obviously something I needed to use. And sure enough, from that day on I did.
M.B. is a retired school teacher, who is working on a book on the effects of low level violence and the scaring of young children. Visit the website FrightFree.com