I don’t have enough of it and I’m finding there’s a heck of a lot of people out there who don’t either. I was raised without praise – with either no comment, or criticism. I remember my mother listening to the advice of an older woman telling her not to praise children. That would make them too full of pride. The sin of pride was of course one of the 7 deadly sins, at least it was in the Catholic Church.
Well you know, on reflection I don’t know that that’s really true. Having too big an ego is a problem for a few people that I know – but generally speaking there are a lot more people who think too little of themselves – too little self-esteem, too little self-love, who live with more guilt and shame than too much pride.
In the manifestation literature you will hear how important a piece is self-love – it’s one of the major starting points. It’s actually an important necessity for your progress in life – on all fronts.
In my memories of growing up I remember on leaving elementary school being voted the student most likely to succeed out of my grade 8 class. I did very well academically. Even though I never finished high school, I still managed to get 2 degrees and am now applying for a 3rd. Athletically I also excelled – leading every sport we played. But I never remember being praised for anything, only criticized.
In a recent magazine article they were reporting on a study where they examined the mental health of a large cross-section of children. What they found was those who underwent the most criticism ended up with worst problems with their mental health. Surprisingly this was true no matter how well loved the child was or how high the family income – a high amount of criticism always corresponded to dysfunctional people as a result.
So how to turn this around? Well it helps to put yourself in an environment where people love you and compliment you regularly. But realistically how many of us are? What seems to work is to work at deliberately raising your own self-esteem by yourself, and stop taking other people’s opinion of you too seriously. In a journal perhaps, start to reflect on who you are – your strengths your weaknesses, and start a process of self-discovery. Such that you know yourself well, and know where it is that you need to improve. They say the best CEO’s know themselves well-enough to know when to pass on a job they’re not good at to someone who is. You could ask the pendulum for starters – with a simple yes/no: do I love myself/ fully accept who I am?
Compliment yourself every day in your journal: today I did……well. I’m proud of myself for… In my life I’m grateful for… (Gratitude lists are very important for centring, building, affirming). And every day affirm: I do love myself and accept myself.
Tapping is another great way to move that energy to a more positive note. Tapping sites like Tapping Solution will give you some great scripts you can use for that. e.g. Tapping on the side of one hand you start: “Even though I’m feeling a little down / depressed/not well…..I still choose to affirm that I am completely well and healthy and strong and I completely and thoroughly love and accept myself.” Then repeat that phrase tapping on the other hand. Then both sides of your face, then top of your head, then on your eyebrows, then under your eyes, under your nose, on your chin, on your 2 collarbones, under your armpits, both wrists together, back of 1 hand, back of the other. This method works amazingly to move the energy for more positivity in your attitude. It’s best done when you give a 1 out of 10 number to your pain/ discomfort, as you move through the tapping points. You’ll find you start to feel better by the time you finish. If your ‘downer’ is really bad you could even repeat it 2 or 3 times in a row.